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I wrote in the new book, How to Begin, that I went into ministry at least partly because I wanted to be a witch, but nobody will give you a salary or benefits to be a witch.
Ministry, it turns out, often makes me feel more like an administrative elf rubber-stamping arcane scrolls. There are weeks or months when I feel like I have lost any magick I ever had–was it all a dream, after all? But then, magical moments surface. Like the way the afternoon light limned the hospital room last week when I was visiting a young(ish) dad from my church after his new cancer diagnosis. We joked and cried in turn about how much it sucks when a rogue cell misdivides and then keeps on acting up until lo and behold, you have cancer. Or the way I randomly reached out to a woman from my church who works with incarcerated youth, and she said my text came at weirdly the right moment to land a God-nudge that she had been dodging. Or how the signal dropped on the Zoom committee meeting from purgatory as I was walking along a reservoir, leaving me with nothing to do but hold my 16-year-old’s hand (a miracle in itself, that she still lets me) as the California towhees swooped for supper and the sun slipped behind the hills. ~ I was so mad at this world we have made (again) when the SCOTUS decision leaked last week. “God dammit!” I yelled. “It’s gonna be time to march again, and I’m tired of marching! We march and we march and it makes no difference because the minority rule will not be shamed by massive numbers of people in the streets, nor even by Gallup polls! They just lie and cheat and steal to get power, and do whatever they can to keep it as long as they can, for their warped, nefarious white nationalist ‘Christian’ ends! Domestic supply of infants, my ass. Are people with uteruses nothing but baby factories? What about all the meticulously catalogued collateral damage that happens when abortion is illegal and social safety nets are weak? And whose rights are they coming for next? What CENTURY is this?” I do what I usually do when I’m upset. I remembered my baptism by climbing into our backyard hot tub (I’m not much of a thing person, but our hot tub is one thing that I really, really love. I want the next stimulus plan to include a hot tub for everyone in America. It would solve so many problems). I floated, and drank up the crescent moon squeezing moon-juice onto me. Low scattered clouds scudded by at speed, occasionally obscuring the winking moon in their race east. My palms faced up, and energy filled me from above. I felt magick pouring back into me. God took my by the ankles, and pulled me up into a full float, and said “Protests are important–especially so that people can find each other and find their courage when lives are on the line. But I also need people to stand still, anchored in the earth on two strong feet, to pull down Good energy, to pull it down and direct it into the world.” It sounded just woo-woo enough that I knew it was God and not me, because I’m really a pretty practical person, for all my witchy longings. One of the chapters of How to Begin is about everyday mysticism–you know, when God breaks through the banal practicalities of life with a message whispered in your ear, and/or rends a hole in the time/space continuum to send you in an entirely new direction, and/or sends you a dream that is OBVIOUSLY NOT “just” a dream. Here’s a quote from the book: Oddly, even though I’m cautiously open to all things mystical, it turns out I’m also a realist who is shocked pretty much every time God makes Herself noisily known. God’s dramatic entrances have happened often enough in my life that you would think I would start to expect it. But I’m grateful for my own surprise. Every time God talks directly to me, either with words written on my heart, a clear-as-a-bell voice that is wiser than I am, or through a sign smoothing my travels through this sticky-wicket world, it feels like an astonishing gift. Those moments of God’s almost embarrassing personal attention give us a chance to claim the magick afoot in the world for the good of all. I do think there are corrupt principalities and powers at work in the world. I believe we need to take to the streets and the ballot box to stop them, and to do our best to awaken those spellbound into fearmongering by the Powers that Be–by remaining in loving connection to them even when their political convictions piss us off. And I also believe we need to attune ourselves to supernatural energies directly. To root ourselves, to float, to drink the moon, to ritually dance and sing in order to banish evil energy. So, Loves, if you’re feeling like me, and you don’t know what to do next, first, remember your baptism: image description: Carmen and I swimming Walden Pond at sunset in Sept 2015 (courtesy Boston Globe) Then read this piece by Jay Kaspian Kang, which reminded me why we march. Then read this piece by Jill Filipovic, who is always so clear about the bad things that are happening, and especially clear how we can act to preserve the lives of those whose rights are being robbed. And if you want a really good theological and biblical grounding in a theology of God letting us be decisionmakers about our own bodies, listen to yesterday’s incredible sermon by my colleague Rev. Kelly (here's the ms. if you want to read it). Then take to the streets, and to a redwood grove, a pine ridge, the crashing ocean, the pocket park down the street from your house, and drink the moon. You’ll need all that juice for this journey. ~ Hey! My book went to the printers on Friday! You can still pre-order here or here or here, and it will magically arrive in your mailbox in 6 months. Why does it take 6 months? Beats me. Maybe it has to go to the moon and back. Things I am excited about: I’ve applied to the UC Berkeley Center for the Study of Psychedelics, a brand-new certificate program for clergy and others who want to be trained as spiritual guides to people have high-dose psychedelic trips for the purposes of healing from addiction, depression, trauma as well as for spiritual and emotional wellness–please pray that I get in! Later this month I have plans to jump into this river and this river! And maybe this lake! I think you should go jump in a lake, too. I am newly re-enamored of the Gottman Institute, which has a long track record of helping couples stay vital and tender in their relationships. Peter and I went on a retreat recently and came back with “love maps” cards and “open questions” cards that we have used at the family dinner table with our kids, and even with our Supper Club to deepen warmth and trust! The inimitable Alice Walker was at my church a couple of weeks ago, with a new book–excerpts from 30 years of her journals. I love reading words from the young, brilliant, impetuous, sometimes insecure, still-becoming Alice. Alice Walker–she’s just like us ;)! I think I invented this recipe for vegan oyster mushroom “bacon” (see below). You may never eat bacon again. I realize what a throwdown that is. Get a pound of oyster mushrooms, brush off loose dirt (don’t wash), tear the big ones in half the long way. Put 1/4 lb. Trader Joe's vegan buttery spread (the new one that comes in a brick...so good...it even browns) in a big cast iron pan and melt. Put one layer of mushrooms in with room between them, and put another smaller cast iron pan on top of it to weight them. Cook on medium heat until the mushrooms are beautifully caramelized. Throw some salt on the top (I like Maldon smoked salt for everything), flip them with tongs and replace the smaller cast iron “press.” When the second side is browned, turned off heat and eat! them! all! slowly and with joy. Abracadabra, Molly
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 Hi lovelies! How the hell are you? Sorry I’ve been MIA. A combination of day job/some mild depression I’ve been working through (feeling much better, thanks)/our dog dying/travel/generally stick-a-fork-in-me-I’m-done-late-pandemic vibes. But I’m super excited to share some things with you, including the cover of The Book!!! And: a peek inside the first chapter. The other week, Carmen and I arrived at SFO at midnight after flying home from visiting family on the East coast. I was tired and cranky. It was 3am to my body, and I had to preach early the next morning, and also figure out how to shape the prayers of the people after a week of multiple emergencies in the headlines: Russia had started a war of aggression in Ukraine. The Texas governor ordered social workers to bring parents up on child abuse charges for seeking lifesaving gender-affirming care for their trans kids. The Don’t Say Gay bill was advancing in the Florida state legislature. And even more Trump shenanigans made the news, shenanigans it didn’t seem he would face any repercussions for, ever. Why do the wicked prosper, oh Lord? Our luggage took forever to come down the chute. My darling husband who had come out in the middle of the night so we wouldn’t have to Lyft helped us wrestle suitcases into the car, but before he was even pulling away from the curb he started to tell me about all the emergencies back home. “There’s drama inside and outside our house. Rafe had a bad accident at work; he just got home. And there are cops in front of our house arresting some guy.” I blew up. “Can I get one goldurned minute please? I literally just landed.” I pride myself on my executive functioning in times of distress–I’m good in a crisis. But when too many crises pile up, my executive functioning goes haywire. You can almost see the springs sproinging from my head and the smoke pouring from my ears as my eyes become pinwheels. That is when I need to remind myself: what is the emergency here? Are any of the things happening really emergencies? Is it actually my emergency? What is the next right thing to do? Usually the answer is: drink a glass of water. Possibly: brush my teeth. Then: pray for what I can do to be revealed (which might be: nothing at all). These three things have rarely led me astray. As of next week, it’s been a solid two years of sirens going in our hive-mind. We’ve been in emergency mode more or less the whole time, the various risks and threats blobbing into one big red DANGER sign flashing on and off. But with mask mandates rolling back and falling caseloads, it might be hard to talk our brains into coming off high alert. There’s always a new emergency to take the place of the old ones and keep us adrenalinized and fretful. The opening chapter of my new book is called There Are Very Few Emergencies. It’s something I actually believe on my best days, and repeat to myself on all the other ones. One of my favorite book characters ever is a minister from a Robertson Davies novel, who is called to the scene of a murder in the middle of the night. He doesn’t race to the scene wild-haired with his PJs peeking out of his raincoat. He takes time to dress, wash, and compose himself before he gets there. He knows that whomever he meets at the other end will need his composure—even if he would have to fake it in the face of the calamitous. The last couple of years have called on us all to show up as that solid someone-for-others (and in many cases, show up for ourselves) in the middle of the night. And really: when we look back on many of the things we thought at the time were emergencies, 20/20 hindsight reveals that they were actually emerge-and-SEES. Ruptures with a status quo that wasn’t working. Opportunities to step into growth. I ask you: What is one emergency you have survived in the past couple of years that turned out to be an emerge-and-see? What did the calamitous reveal, even heal? You can answer that question here on my Facebook page (look for the entry linking this newsletter) or on my Insta page. Get into the chat and teach, comfort, support one another. Let’s form a little community of Emergers who can give each other courage to keep going through life as it unfolds and astounds us. And now, are you ready for the book cover for How to Begin When the World is Ending? Drum roll please…. TADAAAAAAH!!!! I love it! I hope you do, too. Hey guess what? How to Begin won't publish till November but it is already available for pre-order on Amazon. It’s barfy but true that Amazon pre-order numbers REALLY matter to how willing smaller book retailers are to pick up a book. So will you think about going ahead and ordering it? If your conscience prevents you from giving Jeff Bezos even more filthy luchre, you can also pre-order directly from Broadleaf Books. If you are wanting even more Molly morsels here are some clickable things I have been up to lately:
Ok, that's enough for now. Remember to go here or here and tell us all what your latest emergency was, and how you emerged-and-saw. And/or post this newsletter on your own social media with your personal story. We’re here to help each other home. Christlove <3 Molly ps you made it to the very end! Here are some bonus photos, of Carmen and her friend M. puppysitting our friend Jennifer's new service dog in training, Dana. You're welcome. Our lovely, ancient dog Boston went home to God a couple of weeks ago, and what is better when you are grieving than a reminder that life is always beginning again?  Here is this year's Alternative Advent Calendar, with all-ages-friendly daily prompts to help you experience this sacred season with more mindfulness and joy. Print it out on pretty paper and stick on your fridge. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good in practicing your Advent.
As always, church peeps: feel free to print/share/use this for your communities, with attribution. It all belongs to the Holy Spirit, but it's nice if people know where it comes from so they can sign themselves up for future offerings from me! CLICK HERE FOR A PRINTABLE CALENDAR! {and read on for a little essay on this year's theme} [Caveat lector: if you read the words "The Divine Feminine" and you are tempted to move on and not read further, ask yourself why. Call yourself in. See that there might be something good for you here, especially if you ID as male. If you don’t feel it immediately, try a little harder. Stay with this practice through Advent. See what happens, and let me know. I’m so curious!] TW: sexual assault and The Patriarchy in General Something broke in me just about two years ago, when I couldn’t tear myself away from the Brett Kavanaugh hearings, his petulant tears contrasted with Christine Blasey Ford’s quiet, steady, halting strength in telling how he had sexually assaulted her while his friend watched. “Indelible in the hippocampus is the laughter...the uproarious laughter between the two. They’re having fun at my expense,” she said. Whatever broke open in me, stayed broken. The fact that I am raising a girl child who has to worry about sexual assault, who experiences/witnesses sexual harassment in high school every day, and who knows she is growing up into a professional world still stacked against her is also fuelling my fury. I haven’t been so on fire since my freshman year in college, when I first took feminist theory and began to understand that patriarchy was no accident. It was intentionally funded, built, and has been meticulously maintained by steady infrastructure spending over almost the entire length of homo sapiens’ career so far (with the exception of a few remote mythological islands and tribes where women and nonbinary people got to experiment with executive power). And patriarchy’s crowning achievement was to convince us that God is male. Christians have been the best at fomenting this fiction--because, frankly, Jesus being male-bodied gave them a head start. [I always assumed God-as-Jesus, being a pragmatist and seeing how things were, chose a male body to avoid a few headwinds on an already difficult task.] A while back I started invariably using She pronouns for God, just to put a thumb on the scale of patriarchy. I figured I’d do this for 2,000 years or so. [More recently, I also started using They pronouns, which makes the most sense--the book of Genesis has God speak about Themselves in the plural. And if God really is in everything/everyone, including all of what it might mean to be male or female or nonbinary, They covers it. But just for this month...let’s talk about She.] Wendell Berry wrote in his marvelous poem, The Mad Farmer Liberation Front: So long as women do not go cheap For power, please women more than men. He goes on, in a seeming non sequitur: Ask yourself: will this satisfy A woman satisfied to bear a child? Will this disturb the sleep Of a woman near to giving birth? But it’s not a non sequitur. Think of Mary, belly round, trying to sleep through the din of the stable before the pains started. Think of her singing the Magnificat, another non sequitur--what, after all, does being pregnant have to do with “tearing down the mighty from their thrones?” Think of every woman who has taken her own life in her hands, handed over her body (not always willingly) to grow another human inside of her. Think of what childbearing costs a woman physically, emotionally & economically. Even in the 21st century, in the United States of America, women still regularly lose their lives giving birth. Especially Black women. And yet women keep being willing to give birth, even into a world such as this: climate chaos, racial terror, extreme gerrymandered income inequality. They do this because of the Life Impulse. The Life Impulse is the desire to create, protect, defend (without weapons! but with our own flesh) all that is vulnerable and tender and beautiful and possible. You don’t need a uterus to be fueled by the Life Impulse. Any of us can give birth, in the grandest sense. All of us contain divine feminine energy (even you, straight men!), which we can each define as we like (because, honestly, what the hell even is gender?). For the purposes of this calendar I want to name feminine energy as the Life Impulse: protective, procreative Big Structural Mom Energy. It is fierce. It does not violate the integrity of bodies, but grows them, nourishes and feeds them. It is not self-sacrificing, but symbiotic. It has strength, but knows when to yield; it has flexibility and “give.” Think of the epic stretchiness of belly skin, the wonder of a tiny cervix that can pass a baby watermelon. But don’t mistake its flexibility for hypocrisy or meekness! Here’s an except from Bess Kalb’s recent hilarious op-ed on paid family leave that is in a larger sense about the fierceness and flexibility of the Life Impulse: “Imagine the following medical hypothetical: DOCTOR: We ran some tests and there is a watermelon growing inside you. PATIENT: How do we get it out? One of two ways. We either perform major abdominal surgery while you’re awake and hold your internal organs in front of a room of strangers that includes your romantic partner … WHAT’S THE OTHER WAY? It comes out a hole in your body the size of a gumball. How long does it take to recover from that? For the surgery? Best case, six weeks. You bleed and can’t walk up a flight of stairs. Longer if anything goes wrong. Downtime is shorter on the gumball path. What could go wrong? Among other things, hemorrhage, pre-eclampsia, cardiomyopathy, thrombotic pulmonary embolism …. Then there’s the odd seizure and —-- OK! OK! Then it’s over? Life goes on? Not really. The watermelon casts one of two spells on you. What are the spells? The first is the good spell: You will be willing to sacrifice your life to the watermelon and tend to its every need (it is a watermelon and can’t do anything) and if you don’t, it will die. You also cannot sleep more than three hours in a row because the watermelon needs to eat. And it eats your body. What’s the bad spell? Everything in the first spell plus you spiral into depression. What are the chances of that happening? About one in seven. OK. So … what do you expect my employer to say about this? Congratulations! See you Monday!” ~The Life Impulse is the willingness to have the “good spell” cast upon you. It strives, but never for itself alone, always for the good of all Creation. It draws power from the Divine Feminine and thrives in darkness, gestation, moontime. It stays hidden and protected in the early stages necessary for germination, but explodes outward at the right moment. The Divine Feminine knows how to morph, waxing and waning across the month, and changing across time from maiden, mother, queen, crone, each mode with its gifts. The Divine Feminine knows it will die, as will all created things. And at its best it is not afraid to die. It knows that its death, in fact, will give life to others. This year’s Advent calendar invites you to put the thumb on your own God-gendering scale, to spend time with the Divine Feminine, the Life Impulse in all of us. Some of the prompts are about doing traditionally “female” tasks; others are about gender-bending and gender-busting. You will read lost stories about women heroes, do activities that invite deep embodiment, spend time in the dark to germinate and spark your own Big Structural Mom Energy. From my Life Impulse to Yours, Beloved, Rev. Molly |
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